I Can’t Say Something Nice

Nothing brings out my snarky meanness quite like a Mariner’s game. It’s beautiful, really. Those stark white uniforms adorned with Navy Blue and Northwest Green (nee teal) trigger an unconscious dip into the inner recesses of my cynical soul.

It wasn’t long ago that I was one of the Mariner fans agog with the sublime sunniness of Opening Day. I used to fool myself into optimism and happiness and believing that anything could happen. Now, I pity the fools who waste their time with such things.

Silly Mariner fans, hope is for kids.

I see you people with your dreams of .500. I scoff at your belief that Justin Smoak will have his breakout season. I howl in hysterics at your thinking the team doesn’t need starting pitchers or outfielders all because they signed Robinson Cano.

I can barely contain my incredulousness that you think an opening series sweep signals season long success.

Being snarky and cynical is kind of my thing, but I don’t want to be that way about baseball. Baseball is romantic and gooey and the Mariners have infected Major League Baseball with their grossness and I don’t want to lose all of baseball to that.

This baseball season won’t be about the Mariners. There are so many other options for baseball that I don’t need them. The new Husky Ballpark opened, there are two minor league teams within shouting distance, and I’m positive that other magical baseball things exist outside of the Major Leagues.

I’m changing it up and expanding my baseball horizons. Who knows what I’ll find. Maybe something good will come out of the horrid horribleness that is the Mariner’s very existence.


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